


But!

by Ladycat



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Drabble, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-12 00:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladycat/pseuds/Ladycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh. Right. That kind of sweating. “Turn off the stove when you come back,” Xander instructed. “And hurry.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	But!

“No.”

“But—”

“No.”

“It won’t be for—”

“No.”

“If I could—”

“Do I need to do this in other languages? No. Nyet. Nien. Not happening, no way, adios amigo.”

“Well, you don’t have to be nasty about it, do you?” Spike huffed.

“How is saying no, repeatedly, nasty? Or was it the whole amigo thing? Because when did me calling you my _friend_ become objection worthy? Wait, never mind. Don’t tell me. Just no.”

“I am _not_ your friend. I’m your _boy_ friend.”

Xander pried open his eye, glaring. “Not. Happening. Flattery and acceptance while still being mocking are not ways to get you what you want, which you aren’t going to get anyway because _no_.”

Spike pouted. Xander didn’t have to see to know he was pouting, so he let his eye settle shut again and tried to breathe. There was something thick in the air, supposedly helpful, but it made him want to wheeze if he inhaled too quickly. How that was supposed to help he didn’t get, but he knew better than to argue when Spike was on a tear. Speaking of the love of his life, his most precious jewel and worry-wort extraordinaire particularly when Xander's health was the subject of said fussing -- the scraping noise was back.

“Are you deaf? Cause that’d be kinda cool, the blind man leading the deaf vampire. Can vampires _become_ deaf? Like fork-guy from high school?”

The scraping noise stopped. “Fork-guy? Oh, right, the one-handed vamp who showed up right around you decided to have a go at praying mantis lady. Your taste in women astounds me, Harris.”

“My taste in men astounds everyone else.”

“Oh, right, see if I’m going to be nice to you, insulting me like that.”

“Will not being nice include not trying to cuddle up to me some more? We’re in a _sauna_ , Spike, and you’re room temperature. Meaning you’re now as hot as the bench I’m sitting on with on a too-thin towel to protect me. If you touch me I will melt. There will be Xander-goo. You will have to _clean up_ the Xander-goo. In the sauna. Where it stays hot even after we turn the stove-thingie off. Okay?”

“But you said you wanted to sweat,” Spike said, voice warbling since he knew Xander wasn’t looking at his pout anymore. “How’m I supposed to do that if you won’t let me touch you?”

His eye opened again. “Uh, did you not notice the intense heat all around us? I’m sweating. I’m sweating plenty.”

That _should_ have produced ‘ew’ noises, and dear god, my sensitive nose comments. Instead, it got Spike sliding closer—scrape, scrape—over the wooden boards to try and lean against Xander again. “So, if I were to go outside and suck on a bit of ice, then came back ... could _really_ make you sweat, then. Do that thing with my tongue...”

Oh. Right. _That_ kind of sweating. “Turn off the stove when you come back,” Xander instructed. “And hurry.”

Spike snuck in a kiss—ew, gross, ninety degree lips!—and then dashed off.


End file.
